Indoor Weenie Roast

Indoor Roasted Sausages

When it comes to hot dogs, I pretty much prefer the cheapest variety available, like those Halal chicken wieners or pork links in the bulk bins that cost less than meat logically should. I’d even choose a tofu dog over an all beef hot dog. To me, a hot dog only seems right if it is uniformly bland and tastes of little but garlic salt, and if I want something more flavorful, I’d go with a proper sausage. The all beef hot dogs just taste and seem weird to me. The “undesirable” bits of a cow sound considerably creepier than from most other commercially raised animals – after all, cows have udders and four stomaches! If nothing else, a hot dog is not luxury food, and I don’t want to pay premium dollar for it. Save the good cuts for something other than a hot dog, please.

Technically, you can eat a hot dog “raw”. That is, a wiener has already been cooked, and is loaded with preservatives, so even cold from the package it presents a minimal danger to your health. At least, in terms of food borne illness. It’s basically a smaller cylinder of bologna. If you’re going to cook it though, the options are pretty limited. You can either boil or steam it, or you can grill it. Sure, you can deep-fry or even flambé the thing, but most practically, people boil their hot dogs or they cook them over fire.

So what if it’s the dead of winter and your preference is for the blistered casing, grill marked variety that brings friends and families together during the summer? Or, in my case, what if you’ve just been barbecuing for a couple of weeks and then all of a sudden get hit with several inches of snow? For this, you must master the indoor weenie roast. Now, this might not seem like a revelation, but since I’m the only person I know that cooks hot dogs this way, I am going to let you in on my secret. The best way to cook hot dogs indoors is to use your oven.

The broiler, which not a lot of people seem that familiar with aside from a tool to brown cheese, functions basically like an upside down barbecue. Placing your hot dogs on a pan several inches away from its glowing red coils is the closest thing you have to mimicking fire with an appliance, without actually creating fire in your appliances. For added effect, hot dogs can even be pierced with a stick or skewer and held under its heat. Simply swap for marshmallows later as desired.

The concept is simple. With the oven door open (to prevent the broiler from shutting off) and the broiler on its highest setting, simply roast your hot dog as if you were doing it on a barbecue. The outside skin will blister and poof out and you’ll likely get spat at by searing hot fat if you forgot to poke holes in the casings when heating up a proper sausage, just like outdoors! You can even quickly press the hot dog directly against the glowing coil to leave a “grill mark” on its surface. You might laugh at the ridiculousness of that last suggestion, but tons of “charbroiled” foods are served up in commercials by a similar fashion. Maybe this should’ve been entitled, “Make your weenie look as good as on TV!”

…maybe not.

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